she smelled like a LAN party
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
