Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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