Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
