its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
