dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
