I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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