tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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