I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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