That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
