Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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