Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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