i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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