I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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