Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
