he puts the penis in happiness.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
