I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
farters have to be the big spoon...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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