...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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