Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
