Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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