Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
