You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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