so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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