dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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