You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
