what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
