She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
