the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
BRING THE BAGELS
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
