Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
