at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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