problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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