the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
