My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
