I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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