I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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