i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
