remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
