i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
