thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
