SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
