do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just pee around me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
