"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
