I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
