So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
