Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
