that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
