How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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