all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
