In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
