fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
