So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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