you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
