Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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