I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
